It has been a chaotic past two weeks, where I learnt how much emotional distress I can handle. It has not been easy separating work and personal life but is doable. Self-dating also involves how to deal with these emotions all by yourself. If this is your first time reading this, you can click on the first part of this story by clicking here.
Self-dating is holding yourself accountable for your own emotions and behaviours. You always have control over your own emotions whether they are positive or negative, you can handle them without pointing fingers to unknown accusable suspects. You see, for the longest, I would make anyone responsible for my emotional wrecks, until I understood that only served an excuse that will make me feel at ease for the time being. My past relationships never work as I was so self-centred that my happiness, sadness or anger would depend on someone else, in reality, I bored the relationship until it would vanish in thin air, later on being called a “crazy bitch”. It is a hard conquest but not an impossible one; believe me, when I started this whole cycle of self-dating, I began to feel emotionally independent, doing what was best for me. I would no longer tolerate being called a crazy bitch because now I own my emotions, and no one else takes the damn credit for it.
Love your scars love your physical appearance.
There is nothing that can ground you more on the floor than knowing your worth and how you are a sexual appeal for YOURSELF. One of the things that I never practice was loving my imperfections. Living in a selfish city like Miami, everything that you can do or not depends on your appearance rather than who you are as a person. Average looking people like me usually date under the radar with people who are not just expending all their time nourishing their ego. Loving my flaws was the step one to understand who I am as a person, what could I say is beautiful and overpowering and what are the things I could work on one-step-at-a-time.
I love the size and shape of my eyes, but I have massive dark circles that are here to stay by default. I have been called multiple names including, raccoon, beat-up boxer, being compared with other nationalities who also are known for having dark circles. I did not love them at first, they brought me down all the time there is no recorded success with any makeup brand that could help me cover them. As the saying goes, “if you cannot fight the enemy, join them” or something along those lines. Now I use them to my favour I am unlike anyone else, I am unique, I love them for just being present and showing me that true love is accepting and I should never feel any less for having an uncommon characteristic.
Be there for yourself, it does not matter if you are somewhat over the weight you desire, you can always work out; if you suffer from adult acne -as I do- it is going to vanish one day, and your skin shall be free; do not like your height? Do not even mind it, but cherish that your size and shape makes you an unforgettable baddass. Even if you have not discovered your sexual orientation, or are trying to define yourself within the spectrum of being queer, never punish yourself for being confused but learn the process and love it because that is part of your chemical integration as an individual.
Learn how to say NO and be protective of your love
Sometimes it is hard for us to say no on multiple occasions against what makes us feel comfortable. Say no -confidently- to all those things that make you feel like an obligation. I know it is hard and scary to go out on a date who someone you do not know, and this one asks you to do something you do not even like. -Believe me- I have experienced that. It can be frightening going out with a stranger that represents more of a threat than a good time, but even then you need to learn how to say no and run out of that episode as fast as you can. BTW, have a support group who is aware when you are out on a date; lately, there are more oddballs out there who are emotionally complex ready to damage others.
Did you know you can also say no to your -own- requests? Yeah… We tend to self-sabotage ourselves without acknowledging that it is happening. I am the worst person to offer decent advice when it comes to self-sabotaging because I am the first one to fall -headfirst- onto this. Listen -or read me- your self-love is always in your hands no matter what, I cannot stress it more but be DAMN PROTECTIVE OF YOUR LOVE. You can have as many friends as you want, family members and so on, but the way you feel about yourself is only yours and no one else’s.
You are responsible for self-dating yourself, entitled to break your own heart, pleasure yourself, take yourself out on a fancy date, concert or whatever tickles your needs. Do not wait for anyone to come around with the answers you need, that is going to bring more damage to your life than someone who could give you the answers you have been searching for.
Self-dating is not for anyone but for the brave who available to dig within their conscious knowing that some darkness will come afloat, yet, learning how beautiful and healing that could be.