I am angry. At You. At me. At everyone. So, how far are you -really- willing to go for bettering yourself? Before you continue reading, I am sharing my thoughts unfiltered, so watch out for strong language.
We need to stop and call our bullshit. We do, think, and act in ways we even question ourselves in total disbelieve of the stupidity we create for us. There is a fact that occasionally we willingly pull up with some shitty situations because we do not want to be confrontational. And let the other asshole get away with unbelievable crap that end up fucking us up in a million ways.
By now, I am sure you have thought about a couple scenarios that fit the description. Or, at least, I hope that is the case.
Learn How To Create Boundaries and Put Them in Place
Boundaries are your friends; learn how to befriend them. Boundaries are like the floor is lava to do not dare to fuck with me type of thing. They are these fabulous, imaginary lines that keep certain people in their place, like a manual on the things that you will tolerate or not. Even then, there is always (ALWAYS) someone who will try to overstep them, so make sure you make them loud and clear from the beginning.
Setting boundaries apply to all types of relationships. From friendships to intimacy to casual sexual partners to family members to coworkers and even strangers! Weirdly, you do not owe anyone anything; respecting boundaries goes both ways to be clear with what I am trying to achieve here. Unless you want to be seen as a top-tier blockhead.
Boundaries -to me- is a fine example of learning how to love and protect myself. I will boldly say the majority of the times we get ourselves hurt is because we do not set ground rules from the start. For example, you invite your friend to meet up for lunch but never stated that the invitation did not mean you are paying for their food. Unfortunately, your friend is running low with their finances and decides to accept without sharing their predicament with you. They are static for a free meal, both of you eat, and when the check/bill comes around, they look at you with a big smile while you awkwardly take out your payment method. And, you are fucked. You are upset and cannot even say shit because you were not clear from the start.
Just like that, there are situations in which the outcome is just uncomfortable, but you also did not avoid it. Like my mom says, “you cannot start pointing your finger at anyone when you have three pointing back at you”. Analyse the shit bucket you put your foot in, figure out how to clean it, and learn your lesson to further avoid that rubbish.
I would like to consider myself a decent listener; in fact, I love listening to peoples problems. I may not resolve them, but at least I lend an ear to hear anyone out. I let them vomit all of their emotions first, then I need to do a quick-thinking equation before selecting my answer. At times, I just want to love-slap them to help them think straight, but violence has never helped anyone grow. Once we go back and forth, offtimes -ridiculously enough- falls back to breakage of boundaries. DO NOT let a twat overstep your ground rules!
Yes, do not let a class A moron overstep your boundaries for them to have it their way. No baby. You and I know you deserve more than a shithead getting their way. You deserve respect more valuable than all of the crowns fortunes combined together. Be clever and learn, take notes of your hard-cheese, do not trip with the same damn mistake, and conquer yourself with self-confidence that no one will ever mistreat you.
It takes more than courage to speak up and throw your boundary card. It is a process that involves healing and regaining your confidence for you to obstruct the things that damage you the greatest. If you encounter yourself unable to create boundaries with power and determination, maybe it is time to have a mental health check. It could be that you are suffering from low self-esteem; you might be in a relationship where you are codependent, in need of what feelings you lack. Saying that is a potential possibility, pour how you feel -and think- to the person you have the utmost reliance on, or sit down with your mental health professional.
And because we also need to set boundaries with ourselves from time to time…
Lower Your Expectations; Be Realistic With Yourself and Do Not Hurt That Beautiful Heart of Yours
I have cried one-and-a-million times expecting great things to happen when I know sometimes I sabotage myself. I started personal projects that, down the line, turned into trash because I set my expectations way too high. I swing between the lines of being a perfectionist and just getting the job done regardless of the outcome. No matter what, nothing evoked the emotion of feeling realised. And that sucks plenty. Having my expectations through the ceiling pushed me far away from the things that I love doing. It is unrequested stress.
I cannot tell you -well, stop being overwhelmed by your expectations- because I am learning that myself over-and-over-again. I have two brands, Awkwardly Vain and Upside Burden Studio. Awkwardly Vain was born first, in 2017, to be exact. I was writing on-and-off, always thinking if I was doing something right, if it was something that everyone would like, or does it even makes sense to keep trying. My expectations were so high that they intimidated me to get things done consistently. No, seriously, I am frightened by the constant overthinking biting off my head, which leaves me so empty that I just crawl in bed and achieve nothing.
When I decided to share that information with my therapists, he simply recommended I do it for myself. To avoid the noise and focus on just enjoying the process. At first, I was sceptical. That had me thinking deep for a couple of days of what I have done in the past that keeps me stuck, having rocket-high expectations. I circle to his words a thousand miles until it clicked in my head, and I asked myself, was the solution always that simple?
With all honesty, it was a clean and simple solution, to which I said, fuck it, let’s do it. Let’s write like no one is reading -but you are reading this- and seek joy. In other words, I dumped my expectations to a non-existence degree.
Believe it or not, my awareness happened not too long ago. I wrote down the things that were bothering me and was willing to fix them. I reached out to my close friend for her expertise. We agreed it was best to rebrand Awkwardly Vain as my first step to regain my enthusiasm. I came to terms with what was affecting me and re-routed myself to achieve realistic expectations. From that IDGAF attitude, Upside Burden Studio was born -over a couple of months now- but now there is content happening! Although it is somewhat a new brand, I am over the moon, finally creating with my bare hands.
I cannot say expectations are all the way bad. Expecting to perform to utmost perfection to mental exhaustion? Toxic! To be on time for a personal goal due date? Positive! There are always positives and negatives that come out of every little situation. Do not overwhelm yourself; focus on doing what makes you feel more comfortable and sincere with yourself.
Always be kind to yourself, for fuck sake! Do it for your own happiness as long you are not hurting anyone in the process!