Alright, this post is going to be super casual, you know why? I am not going to BS you around (and I mean it). The fear of being rejected is what stopped me from doing what I wanted to do or the biggest embarrassment of my life. You know what? I am going to teach you how to drop that fear and tell rejection fuck off. The following is going to be a small but mighty manual that helped me go through life, beating up the thought and fear of rejection.
Before I can share with you my life guide, I need you to understand that this is the most reckless shit I have been true in my life.
First, your biggest fears are only inside of that massive muscle in your skull. So brush it off! Feeling fearful is exhausting and unnecessary emotion. I know there are particular cases where fear is a death and life situation, and I respect that one a hundred percent. The type of fearful rejection we are going to discuss is more about first world problems type of rejections.
My first memorable rejection was failing an interview to work at a nitrogen ice cream parlor. I still find it funny how it was one of the worst interviews I have ever done in my entire career. I showed up dress as if I was interviewing for a secretary position. When they ask me what I wanted to achieve within the parlor (if I got hired), I answered, oh, it would be nice to master the art of making waffle cones. That could not top any of my other interviews fails. Lies, I once interview to an upscale accessory store. I remember I was running late because of a flat tire, I called the interviewer that I had a delay, of course. I recall by the end of the interview, the interviewer wished me luck with my car situation. I stupidly replied, no worries, there is nothing that a bellini cannot help me cool off. After I saw her reaction, I knew I was not going to be hired and got (automatically) the rejection card.
Did not that sound like I only got plenty of interview rejections? Think twice! I have been rejected many times by guys, the modeling industry, my comeback to ballet classes, my application to an Olympic high school, and numerous other times where a big shouted NO is the high spirit of the moment. My younger-self would always be shattered by all these rejections and cried to the point her eyes were dried. My higher-self, on the other hand, was/is convinced that being or feeling rejected only lasts about a split second. So do not worry, baby turtle, we are going to break the fear together.
Rule number one, Always be yourself!
It is mentally draining to pretend to be someone else. Your personal identity is a golden star, why hide it? I only have one common denominator for all of my stories, every single one of them I was simply myself. Whether it was for good or bad, I like people to know me as who I am, an awkward living specimen. On that journey, I am going to provide you a checklist of personal qualities (just in case you cannot think of one from the top of your head). These are the qualities representing your essence as a person, chose the ones who apply best to you.
Rule number two, Do not stop yourself from doing whatever it is you want to do!
You already know which are your best qualities at this point. Stand firm with what you want to do and do not hold yourself even if the fear of being rejected consumes you. I am sure that as a child, there was nothing that could stop you from asking your mum if you could stay at your BFFs sleepover. If it was not you asking, it was your friend or your friend’s parents but, someone had to ask, right? It works the same way! Go ahead and apply to that dream job you have been thinking of, hop on a dating app and invite out that person you have been meaning to meet, apply for that bloody CC even when you know there is a slim chance of not getting it. Never stop doing what you like for fearing the outcome! It is worst not knowing if all the answers end up being a yes!
Rule number three, Coping with dear ol’ rejection!
Hurray! Once you have done the deed, it is time to deal with rejection (only if the answer is not what you expected). Do not feel bad when things go south. I know you feel embarrassed, almost as if you hit rock bottom, but in reality, you were not ready for that next adventure. When things are meant to be, they flow with, the current not against the current. This would be the moment you take to reflect and compare the positive and negative actions that lead to that rejection. Take a deep breath and, let us put those actions in place!
Rule number four Befriending your rejection!
If you are reading this far, it means that you are more then ready to befriend your rejection. To become close with something that has hurt you, you must learn how to forgive yourself for getting in any type of negative mood. Once you forgive yourself, you need to overcome your fears by forgiving what hurts you. (Is a loop but, it works like a charm!) This brings immense peace to your heart, clearing it to a fresh start, ready to confront your next fear. The more you repeat this process, the less you are going to fear rejections. It becomes a familiarized feeling almost, like the price you are willing to pay to get across the line of a yes or no answer. This exercise also works for any other situations, forgiving yourself instead of waiting for other’s forgiveness helps to alleviate anger, sadness, anxiety, you name it. Now, you are going to list the things you have learned from your rejection.
Okay, so you have work pages, my take on the matter, and your unique experiences to think about. Let me know (in the comment section) if you are ready to defeat your rejection. I am here to guide you through it if you need me or, we can simply hold hands (rhetorically) and fight all of it together!