It happens to the best of us in unnumerous times, hating oneself. There is absolutely no reason for denial at some point in everyone’s life hatred is something that comes uninvited with no plans on leaving whatsoever. This hatred becomes a radiant guest weighing deeper in our spirits without our knowledge being able to trace it. The worst part yet is that no one will come to relieve you but yourself.
My self-hatred goes way back when I was in elementary school, not being able to shave my hairy legs. My mom was strict about hair policies so, I was in the middle of my classmates pressuring me to stop looking like Chewbacca and, my mom, doing the absolute right for someone my age. Even though I did not understand why my mom wanted me to have hairy legs at the moment, I thank her now for the unknown reasonings. Besides this, I started hating myself when I could not be the 100% beautiful girl that I am damn sure I was. I began to hide in classrooms, school corners, even to be one of the last students to eat lunch. Consuming me much? It was my worst nightmare to be in such a dilemma surrounded by girls that were shaving already, not only that they were even growing a nice pair of tits too. As we know, all problems have a solution, mines luckily were the day of my sixth-year graduation when my mom let me shave my legs.
Moving to my highschool face, I was still ridiculously skinny, and my dark circle’s situation was not really in my favor. I remember senior students used to tease me, asking me if I was a boxer because I always looked like I was punched on both of my eyes! This was my boiling moment when I not only hated myself, I basically started to develop hatred towards anyone surrounding me. I had no genuine persona like my whole script was so blanc that no one was able to read me, that was when I realize that, perhaps, if I dated someone, it could help me how to love myself. Fast-forward, I graduated from high school with the same issues I started university. I never found someone that could make me love me back then, why continue with this mentality?
I came across all sorts of guys from all over the world but, I was (unsuccessfully unable) to find the love that I was hoping for. I broke a bunch of hearts trying to save mines from my own dark thoughts. Side note, I still acquaintance with some of my dates, and, of course, some probably resent me. Anyways, that was the moment when I realize the problem was all in my head. If no one could make me or help me love myself, then I was the answer I was looking for all this time. Not long after graduation, one of my classmates was taking courses to become a life coach. I did not think about it twice and reached out to her. Not even a couple of months after she finished her studies, I became one of her first clients.
My life coach had me write down three goals to be achieved within the six months of her program, one of my goals was to learn how to love me followed by how to control my emotions without hysterically overreacting. The one exercise that changed the perspective about how I used to see me was standing in front of a mirror naked, saying out loud the thing that I love most about my body and my personality. It was risky knowing the possible outcome at the end of the exercise. However, it turned out to be the complete opposite. The more and more I practice this, the more I gain confidence in my looks and my persona in general. This new persona changed the way I see others behave towards me. I grew fond and confident about how I look at myself. It felt liberating the fact that I was all I need it and, no one could change it unless I let it happen.
If I could parkour the fudge out of my hatred, what is stopping you from changing? I more than anyone else knows that it is hard but not impossible to achieve such a thing as self-love. For us, women every day is a journey full of insecurities not only by men but by our own gender. If you are women and you are reading this, you should know that this is our time to encourage one and another, including trans women. I believe we had enough with bringing ourselves down in a path of confusion. It is time to make things right, to love yourself and others, to seek help when help is needed. At this point, I do not care about, your gender but your emotional and spiritual being seeking help is always the key to success.
I want to dedicate and thank my life coach for such an incredible transformation. Without her help and guidance, I would never be able to fully understand what self-love really means. Thank you.